


The Greatest Good You're Ever Gonna Get

by TheBlueThiefOfShadows



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Everyone lives, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/M, M/M, Mild cursing by national icons, Multi, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Pietro Lives, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Secret Relationship, THIS IS SCHMOOP, come fight me about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23699461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlueThiefOfShadows/pseuds/TheBlueThiefOfShadows
Summary: "But, baby, the city was in danger""My evening was in danger!""It was for the greater good, honey""Greater good? I'm your girlfriend, I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!"
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 44





	1. The Headcanon

**Author's Note:**

> This whole thing came to life when my sister told me, in not so many words, that she would ship me with Bucky Barnes, cause I dress vintage. It then escalated into this headcanon-ish thing and yeah...
> 
> Inspired by the part in "The Incredibles" when Frozone is looking for his super-suit.
> 
> I might make this a series.

So it goes:

  * The team had been called to a mission unexpectedly on a relatively quiet day, some douchebag in Boston pulling a Megamind and trying to take over the city. Our lovely Avengers could not let this happen, so, obviously, they suit-up and go kick some ass, thinking this will all be over in a few hours, but boy are they wrong.
  * The wannabe villain doesn't take long to pack up, but the bots that are flying every-which-way take some wrangling, and by the time they are all back in the quinjet, everyone's exhausted and sweaty and just wants to go home.
  * When they land in the Avengers Tower, they still have to debrief and clean up before anyone can go home, so they all head to a conference room, start debriefing, as you do, and then someone mentions dinner,
  * like, maybe they're debating if they should get something from that shawarma place that they like, or just order pizza when both Steve and Bucky sort of perk up in horror and one of them asks what's the time.
  * Someone, probably Friday, cause she's handy like that, says it's almost nine in the evening and then everyone gets real concerned because did Cap just curse? I'm sure I heard that wrong, he did not just say _Fuck_ , he's too virtuous for that, _Language_ , Steven.
  * Then there's Bucky who just hides his face in his hands and mutters something along the lines of "We're both so dead" and no one understands why they are acting like that like it's no biggie, not even that late and they start to ask what's wrong, but then Friday interjects with-
  * "I'm sorry, but someone appears to have broken into the building" 
  * and everyone is instantly on high alert: is this another evil-mastermind trying to mess up their day? is it Hydra? is it AIM? but then
  * BUT THEN
  * the conference room door bangs open (not too loud, just to get their attention) and in the doorway, you see this tiny woman and she doesn't look at all threatening, even though she's clearly pissed off about something, and everyone is confused as fuck, except Bucky and Steve. Then this tiny battle ax marches over to the both of them, no one's trying to stop her, and she just stands in front of them with her hands on her hips and just rips them a new one like:
  * "I told you dinner was at seven and you're late! Do you even know how long it took me to make it? This was supposed to be a nice evening in, but then you show up on the damn CNN fighting tiny robots and some crazy scientist! And you don't even bother to call or text that you're fine, do you know how worried I've been?!"
  * Then Bucky says: "But, baby, the city was in danger"
  * "My evening was in danger!"
  * And Steve says: "It was for the greater good, honey"
  * "Greater good? I'm your girlfriend, I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!"
  * And everyone is just flabbergasted by the whole interaction which ends with the tiny woman (apparently the girlfriend of Captain America _and_ The Winter Soldier) dragging them both by the elbows towards the door when Natasha asks:
  * "Who the hell is this?"
  * Steve and Bucky just sort exchange glances and Bucky sighs and says: "This is our girlfriend, Aelin", to which Aelin replies:
  * "Nice to meet you all, truly, big fan, but I've gotta get these two home. We've got plans" and with that, she drags both Bucky and Steve out the door.
  * All is quiet in the room and then Tony says "How did she even get in?"



The end


	2. Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> The long awaited one-shot that started out as a tiny headcanon has finally arrived!  
> I realize it's been almost a year since I posted the original idea, but life was happening and then good ol' 'rona started looting the world.... Anyway, please do excuse the grammar and other mistakes - English is not my native language and I did not edit this before posting.  
> I hope you enjoy this little tryst!  
> -Blue

The mission had taken them off-guard, with yet another wannabe villain threatening to take over the world on a random dead-beat Thursday, when none of them expected to have to suit up and do any avenging. It was only their luck some asshole would decide that flooding downtown Boston with tiny flying robots was a great idea (the kid obviously had watched Megamind too many times) and they had all dropped their relatively less avenging-esque tasks to go save the day. 

It hadn’t been difficult, per se, to pack up the badly-dressed mastermind, but rounding up the robots had taken awhile. Of course, the kid had refused to tell them how to turn off the device that controlled the damn things and by the time Tony had figured it out, the other Avengers had already been run ragged, chasing the robots that were still hell-bent on looting the surrounding buildings. 

Now, sweaty and sore, they all sat in the Quinjet waiting for it to land so they could get out of their gear and, hopefully, get a shower.

“Look sharp, boys,” Natasha drawled, tone and demeanor way too cheery for someone who had not even an hour ago been eyebrows deep in tiny robots and rubble. She nudged Clint's shoulder, as the tower came into focus through the windows, to which the archer grumbled but sat up straighter, stretching to get the blood flowing. 

“We always look sharp!” Pietro quipped, a little late, with a yawn that contorted his face. Wanda glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, then met eyes with Natasha, her eyebrows flicking up. 

“Sure, you do,” she said.

“Hey, I’m your brother, you should be nice to me!”

“No, I don’t.”

“I’m older than you!”

“But not smarter.”

“Why just the boys, Tasha? That’s very sexist,” Bruce intoned, trying to get the seatbelt of his seat untwisted so he could clip it in.

“Because all the women at least have their eyes open,” Natasha grinned.

Steve’s eyes snapped open for a second, enough to witness the little scuffle, but soon they shut again. He felt a kick to his shin. 

“Eyes open, punk,” Bucky quipped. Steve did not react. Bucky kicked him again and received a responding kick, Steve not even bothering to open his eyes for aim. 

“Fine. We’ll just leave your sorry ass here after landing,” Bucky huffed, slumping more into his seat. Steve mumbled at him, but nothing coherent enough to be assumed speech and Bucky rolled his eyes, exasperated yet fond, giving Steve another once-over for injuries, even though he’d already catalogued all the scratches he’d gotten before they even got onto the jet. 

“Don’t bother, James,” Natasha’s voice floated to the pair of super soldiers.” He’s probably grumpy cause he didn’t have a nap.” 

Bucky grinned at the Widow. “Oh, I know. I’m just checking if he’s still alive.” 

“Valid point,” she said. “You can never know with someone his age.” 

“I am literally right next to you guys,” Steve mumbled, finally articulate enough for sentences. “And Buck’s older than me.” 

“At least I don’t look it.” 

“Jerk.” 

“Punk.” 

“Oh, Боже мой...”

“Okay, okay, break it up,” Tony called from the control panel. “We’re about to land, you can have your piss-contest later.”

“Later as in tomorrow? Because I would love to sleep for at least 24 hours.”

“No, Brucey, later as in after the paperwork.”

Groans all around followed the comment.

The Quinjet rumbled and the pressure changed; Steve felt it tilt and begin to descend. He heard Bucky grumble something to Natasha, who chuckled lowly at whatever was said. Bruce, who had been quietly observing, just sighed and shook his head when Steve made eye-contact with him. 

The jet touched down softly, FRIDAY rattling with statistics that only Tony, and maybe Natasha, could understand, and they trudged out to one of the few conference rooms none too happily to be doing so. It was one of the less used ones and the fact only served to make everyone grumpier as they learned no one had bothered to fill the coffee machine in that particular room. 

Hassle ensued before refreshments showed up and by the time everyone had sat down with a cup of hot joe an hour had flown by without anyone’s notice. 

“Right, let’s get this show on the road,” Clint grumbled after taking a gulp of his coffee, wincing as it burned his throat, then glared non-too-gleefully at the pile of papers sat in front of him. 

Steve eyed his own collection of the same documents with similar distaste. 

“You wanna take the lead on this, Capitano?” Tony asked him. 

“Right...” Steve cleared his throat. “Let’s begin from when we arrived at the scene...” 

\--------

It was a good few hours later when everyone was sufficiently sick of thinking and had cramping wrists, that Tony threw his pen down onto the table and huffed: 

“I don’t understand why we have to do this by hand. I have programs for this!”

His legs were thrown onto the tabletop as were Natasha’s. Clint laid half asleep on the table with Steve and Bucky on his left and the twins on his right. Bruce had abandoned his chair for a bathroom break.

“Fury won’t trust your programs,” Natasha reminded. 

“Ugh! It’s been hours, Red. Hours! I’m hungry, dammit!” Tony continued to wail. 

“Then get a sandwich and stop whining.” 

“Very funny. But hey, we can order from that shawarma place. I bet they do take-out. FRIDAY, do they do take-out?”

“ _I believe they do, sir. Would you like me to place an order for dinner?_ ”

“That would be a peach, thanks, FRIDAY.”

“Isn’t it too late for take-out?” Wanda wondered. “I didn’t think they were open so long.”

“It’s barely nine, of course they’re still open. They were open when aliens were raining down on Central in ’12, I think they can manage a Thursday.”

Chuckles ensued at the comment, everyone happy to be at least partly done with papers for the moment, the prospect of food enough to get priority over showering, and it seemed that all was well –

“Shit, wait, it’s almost _nine_?” Steve asked, an alarmed look on his face, perfectly matching that of Bucky’s who had gotten very pale. They exchanged a panicked glance. Steve checked his watch then muttered a very heartfelt ‘fuck’ under his nose and pushed his chair away from the table with more force than strictly necessary.

“Did everyone hear that? Cap said a bad word!” Tony quipped. “Such language, Steven!”

“Not funny, Stark,” Bucky snapped at him. He had his head in his hands, palms obscuring his face.

“Is it past your bedtime, boys?” Natasha crooned, not bothered by their antics but more alert, nonetheless.

“No.” was all Steve said. He seemed engrossed in his phone, which wasn’t an unseen occurrence if still peculiar. After a minute, he cursed again then shoved his phone in front of Bucky’s face: “We’re so dead, Buck.”

Bucky glanced at whatever Steve had shown him, groaned and smacked his forehead on the table.

“Do you think we’d make it if we ran? I bet she’d be lenient if we looked miserable.”

“I don’t think that’ll get us of the hook, Buck–”

“What the hell are you guys talking about?” Clint interjected, face glum with confusion.

“Is everything okay?” Wanda asked; she looked from Steve to Bucky like she was witnessing a tennis match, Pietro doing the same but with a little less worry on his part.

“It’s–”

“ _Pardon the interruption, but someone seems to have broken into the building._ ”

Stunned silence followed FRIDAY’s statement. The next second, everyone was in fighting mode, reaching for their discarded weapons, or just shaking themselves instantly alert, falling into a natural defense/attack position in which ever place they stood.

It could have been anyone: AIM, HYDRA, another disgruntled teenager with a doomsday plan, but when the door to the conference room banged open, in the doorway stood… a disgruntled housewife?

The woman was tiny, at least compared to most of the people gathered, maybe slightly taller than Natasha. Her hair was curled and stood haphazardly in every direction; two rollers still tangled in the waves on the side of her head. She wore a pale green dress with white and red trimmings that looked like a cross between a bathrobe and an old-school maid’s outfit, a large leather purse was swung on one arm.

She quickly took in the room, her eyes not lingering once on any item or anyone in particular until they landed on Steve and Bucky, partially obscured by the blond’s shield as Steve was positioned in front of him.

Without a word, she strode across the floor right up to the super-soldier duo, planted her feet wide in a stance that screamed ‘don’t mess with me’, and placed her hands on her hips, bag swinging menacingly on her wrist. Then she took in a deep breath and let it slowly out, the whoosh of air ringing in the silence like a blow.

Steve lowered the shield:

“Honey–”

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” the woman said with an air that almost dared anyone to tell her she was such, “but I recall telling you that dinner was at seven.”

“Yes, but–”

“I _also_ recall, you saying that there was nothing important going on and you were _definitely_ going to be home on time,” the woman continued seemingly oblivious to the way Steve fidgeted and Bucky hastily hid his rifle behind his back, or the incredulous stares of everyone else in the room. “So, would you please tell me _why_ you are late and _why_ I have to find out from the _damn **CNN**_ that you’re in Massachusetts fighting a mad scientist and his hoard of possessed Roombas?”

“Doll, it’s– “

“I get that you are superheroes and sometimes evil dipshits turn up out of the blue,” she carried on, not even blinking at Bucky’s attempt to defend himself and Steve, “but just a text would have been nice. A little ‘ _Hey, babe, we have a Thing, and we might not make it to dinner_ ’ or, you know,” at this, the woman lifted her head to look up at Steve, whereas before she’d been addressing his chest, “ANSWERING YOUR FUCKING PHONE AFTER YOU GOT BACK AND CLEARLY HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO CHECK-IN THAT YOU WEREN’T HURT OR DISMEMBERED BY THOSE STUPID ROBOTS!”

The woman’s voice boomed throughout the space as if amplified and to everyone’s eternal surprise, Steve and Bucky shrunk in on themselves, shoulders almost up to their ears and matching looks on their faces that seemed better suited for naughty middle schoolers caught at the scene of their crime than two super-soldier-serum-pumped and war-hardened centenarians.

It would have been absolutely comical if it were not so unexpected.

“To top it off, do you have any idea how long it took to make this dinner? All the planning and finding ingredients that apparently aren’t available or don’t exist anymore?” the 5′5″ incarnation of a dissatisfied chihuahua in sensible shoes pressed on, “And for what – to be stood up and ignored and having to haul ass all the way to fucking Manhattan!?”

“We’re so sorry, baby. Really!” Bucky finally managed to interject. “But the city was in danger and – “

“My godsdamned evening was in danger!”

“It was for the greater good, honey,” Steve tried to add, all gentle.

“Greater good? I’m your _girlfriend_ – I’m the greatest good you’re ever gonna get!” the woman yelled, huffing-in air, nostrils flaring with every exhale.

The two soldiers in front of her seemed frozen in place: Steve closing and opening his mouth like a fish out-of-water and Bucky looking like he’d rather be anywhere else but in that precise moment. Especially when he heard Pietro mumble ‘Wasn’t that a dialogue from a cartoon?’.

“Can someone please explain who the hell is this girl?” Natasha drawled. Her question was followed by enthusiastic nods from Clint.

Bucky glanced at Steve with a pained expression, something between acceptance and regret, then sighed and turned to the team:

“This is Aelin. She is our girlfriend.”

The woman in question grinned wickedly at no one in particular.

“Yes, yes, it me. Nice to meet y’all, big fan, really, but I’ve got to get these two home – we’ve got plans.”

With that said, Aelin (apparently the girlfriend of Captain America _and_ the Winter Soldier) linked her arms through both Bucky and Steve’s and dragged them out into the hall, the door shutting closed with the same loud bang it had opened with. The rest of the team were left to look flabbergasted at its metallic surface.

No one spoke, as if whatever had transpired rendered them all mute, until Tony shook himself out of the stupor and said:

“How the hell did she even get in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Bruce did skip all of that because he fell asleep in the bathroom.  
> Anyhoo, come yell at me in the comments :3

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah... This is probably full of grammar mistakes, but I hope it made you smile at the ridiculousness. 
> 
> Let me know if anyone would be interested in me continuing this sort of headcanon thread. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be less of a trash mammal and actually write a proper fanfiction for this.
> 
> -Blue


End file.
